As these are hard times

We'll work harder, harder. Through these hard times, I'll work harder, harder.

Life has been getting stupid and stupid over the past few weeks, I can't even think straight anymore, I kind of just want to drink my problems away, but I know it won't be good to do that. Shit just keeps hitting the fan or something, jesus. When I think things are turning around shit just goes bad. I gotta stay positive though and not let shit get to me.
I just want my cousin back and my family here, the US is pissing me off. Money is such a huge issue right now. Job hunting all day tomorrow and going to be turning in tons of resumes to places. I hope there's something out there for me, I really need to help my family. I don't even know where my life is going, it just wastes away day by day, hour by hour, minute by minute and second by second..I can't do this anymore I need something to look forward to...

Yeah yeah yeah...

I don't even know what to post, I can't even remember what's been up with life, all I know as of now is that I'm a college drop out, hah! I finally got my car working, so I drive now. Been off certain substances for about 5 months now. Going to a lot of shows and checking out venues, upcoming shows are: Plan 9, Blaqk Audio and Crystal Castles! It's gonna be LEGIT! Bwah bwah bwah I NEED my laptop, I think I'm done blogging cause I kind of stopped giving a fuck so I really have nothing to bitch about anymore, hahah we'll see what my brain can poop out on the next post!

An update

I will update on sooooooo much real soon, I haven't updated much because my laptop broke and I usually blogged at random times like 3am, now I'm stuck using my house computer where my parents are always around... I feel like they're watching me all the time, that's just my paranoia. Hah, stay tunned. :)

She's lost control...

And seized up on the floor, I thought she'd die...She said I've lost control. She's lost control again...


Someone take these dreams away...

I've seem to have lost control, my mind is all over the place, I don't even know what I'm thinking right now, so many thoughts rushing at once. I'm just freaking out...

I had a good day though, went to Santa Cruz for a show which was fun... Haven't posted much really, well I got to see Crystal Castles, got kicked by Alice as she stood on the crowd, held her up and her crotch was in my face, good fucking show. I can't think of what else is new really. I'm too fucking brain dead right now...




I'm just confused again, being led on blows, I should just not even bother with that stuff right now. It just makes me wonder about the situation... I should just focus on school and photo-shoots.


Listening to Joy Division lately, and been feeling like Ian Curtis, fucked up.

Pushing Everything Away

So lately I've been a fucking mess, I isolated myself for 6 days... It was nice for the first few days, then it got a little scary...Hah luckily Alissa and Holly kidnapped me, after that I did two photo shoots, went to the club twice and got filmed twice. It's been crazy how quickly things randomly turned around for me, but it's been great! More photo shoots coming up and a portfolio to build up, going to see if Model Mayhem approves of me and hopefully find small work there.

Yogofina is open so it's time to go turn in a resume, hopefully that works out too, working is something I should be doing and it sucks not having any money.

Here are a few of my favorite shots from the photoshoots:

So as my title says, 'Pushing Everything Away' it's exactly what I'm going to start doing, at least all the negative things, because for once I'm being productive and have shit going for me. So anyone who's going to bring me down, get the hell away from me.

You're the one who's always bruised and broken..

Drunk on immorality, Valium and cherry wine, Coke and ecstasy. You're gonna blow your mind. I understand the fascination, I've even been there once or twice or more, but if you don't change your situation...Then you'll die, you'll die, don't die, don't die. Please don't die...


Well, what's been up? Uhh the Gilman show Limnus played with Stellar Corpses was fucking sick! I had a lot of fun hanging out with tons of people there and the bands. There was so many people I knew so I was kind of all over the place. Haha but overall it was a great night!

With Dusty from Stellar Corpses. :P


And Emilio! Both really cool guys. :)

Uhh so apparently I now have 1600 saved up for car! Sweeeeeet! Now I need to make more calls and go look at the cars and all that shit. Yep. No longer with my bf, one of the reasons I don't even bother trying to be in a relationship cause they end up like this. Fucking stupid. Anyway, been drawing A LOT lately, finished 3-4 things in like 1 day or 2 which is pretty rad because I'm putting a lot more time and effort into every piece and getting tons of practice! It's fantastic! My favorite one has to be Kakashi though cause I randomly drew it at like 3am, and here it is!




well till next time. :]

There's a place where everyone can be happy,

It's the most beautiful place in the whole fuckin' world!

....and you, painted my entire world
but I...don't have the turpentine to clean what you have soiled, and I won't forget it!





OKAY! I don't know what's been happening since my last post, I got fired, again!, saw Limnus in Stockton, met some awesome bands and made new friends! Been hanging out with Amber a lot and hitting up the city. Been spending time with someone special. ;) I have 1,100$ saved up for my car! Yeaaaaah! Hmmm, I feel like I have more to say, but I can't think right now. Haha. Oh well...? OH! Limnus is finally playing Gilman, FUCK YEEEEEEEEAH! Can't wait for the show! :)